Anshu- Matt Leinart, USC
Much like Matt, America views Anshu as half quarterback-half celebrity. Rumors have romantically linked him to many Bollywood Hollywood starlets, but as he told People Magazine last week he “doesn’t kiss and tell.” Lacks the huge arm strength of some of the other premier QBs, but the touch and accuracy are tough to match.
Nate Gallert – Mark Mallory, Cincinnati Mayor
The only thing more pathetic than his arm strength is his accuracy. If you’ve never seen Nate throw, reference video below to get an idea of what it looks like.
Gizzi - Ben Roethlisberger, Pittsburgh Steelers
Perfectly suited to play a hardnosed brand of football. He’s the tough guy quarterback who has the physical tools to put up big numbers, but if you ask him he’d rather give it to the back and watch the hogs work, occasionally mixing in big plays through the air. Let’s just hope that by putting his face through a windshield, Ben has shown Gizzi the importance of wearing a helmet while on a motorcycle.
Garrett- Junior Floyd, Little Giants
Launching roll after roll of toilet paper into the shopping cart has really developed Garrett’s arm strength over the years.
Lawny- Tim Tebow, Florida Gators
He has the arm strength, but truth be told opponents would much rather see him drop back and throw than deal with the alternative; trying to stop this beast from running through your defense.
Pagel- Rex Grossman, Chicago Bears
The physical tools are all there but his refusal to throw open underneath routes and his inability to make good decisions has led to record turnover rates. Turns coaches gray and eventually makes them long for a game-manager type QB.
Luebbers- Matt Jones, Arkansas Razorbacks
Absolutely huge arm, but he’s probably best used at another skill position because he’s a nightmare match-up for defenses. However, similar to Matt Jones, the only thing holding Luebs back is his crippling cocaine addiction.
Ciske- Jeff Garcia, Tampa Bay Bucs
Has great athletic ability combined with very mediocre arm strength, but is a proven winner. There is also one other obvious similarity…the red hair.
Murnane- Philip Rivers, San Diego Chargers
To watch Murnane throw a football brings pain to anyone unlucky enough to be watching. The body motion combined with the side arm sling has tricked many scouts into believing he’s the QB for a Special Olympics Team. But upon further review, he delivers the ball where it needs to be with just enough zip to give defenders fits.
Argall- Doug Peterson, formerly of the Green Bay Packers
No one, including himself, can figure out how he survives final cuts every summer. That really doesn’t bother Argall much though, because he still gets his paychecks. His quarterbacking skills are nearly non-existent, which is why he spends practice counting down the minutes until he and a select few of his (white) teammates can pound brews on the first tee of the local golf course. The Argall anthem has become “Money, Cash, 18 Holes”.
Parkhill- Michael Vick, Virginia Tech
A strong but often erratic arm has made him much more dangerous running with the football. His speed and elusiveness make him a pain-in-the-ass to defend, but scouts wonder whether these skills would be better off on display at another position. Off the field issues are a concern, and despite his best efforts, he does not smoke nearly as much weed as Vick did (pre-prison).
