Power Rankings, Vol. 4

Speaking of lame, I know this isn’t very exciting, but for the first time in 3 years of the Power Rankings, every team will stay exactly where they were a week ago. Teams ranked #1-5 all held serve, beating up on their lower-rated counterparts. In an effort to mix it up, I’ll detail each Week 4 matchup, and make predictions of the outcomes.

1. Plack Beople (3-0)
2. Team lawniczak (3-0)
3. Denver’s Helicopter Men (2-1)
4. Clayton Bigsby (2-1)
5. Flight of the Khannchords (2-1)
6. Team ciske (1-2)
7. Cromartie McFly (1-2)
8. Tivo Tebow (1-2)
9. Teenage Mutant Ninja Tauschers (0-3)
10. Team Parkhill (0-3)

#9 Teenage Mutant Ninja Tauschers (0-3) vs. #10 Team Parkhill (0-3)



The Toilet Bowl promises to leave one team as the league’s lingering turd. Pick your poison: Pagel’s scrubs (Jacobs, Moss, Harrison on Bye) or Parkhill’s full complement of early-season disappointments. MLP’s team is better when all active, but there are so many bad situations (DeSean vs. Bears, Santonio vs. Ravens, DMC banged up, LT rounding into form) …plus, there has to be a penalty for starting Isaac Bruce. High Five? Pagel might be looking to avoid loss number five after this one.
Pick: Team Parkhill

#3 Denver’s Helicopter Men (2-1) vs. #8 Tivo Tebow (1-2)
How bad could this one get? It’s unfortunate that Ronnie Brown doesn’t qualify at QB…because he has scored more touchdowns at that position (3) than Garrett has gotten from QB this season (1), and just as many TD passes. It’s possible things could get worse before they get better, too, with Maroney and Hasselebeck taking the week off. McNabb vs. the Chicago secondary and AD going up against Tennessee’s stout run D could be reason for concern...but not much. It’s Baby Tilt in a landslide of buffalo sauce and hot wing bones.



Pick: Denver’s Helicopter Men

#2 Team lawniczak (3-0) vs. #7 Cromartie McFly (1-2)
IV finally gets his wish with one of his rookie RBs starting…and Mendenhall draws the vaunted Baltimore D. Still, despite being undefeated and hanging a league-high 121 last week, there’s upset potential here with Wayne and the suddenly-not-worthless Julius Jones on bye. I like Brees, Braylon, and TO to bust loose this week, Chicago’s D to hold a banged-up Philly offense in check, and replacements Antonio Bryant and Steve Slaton to get shut down by Chuck Woodson and the Jax run D, respectively.
CHASE DANIEL TASTY PICK OF THE WEEK: Cromartie McFly

#4 Clayton Bigsby (2-1) vs. #6 Team ciske (1-2)

This game has potential to be Marshawn Lynch-ugly.



Byes, injuries, and Ciske/Nate buffoonery leave the following players starting: Chansi Stuckey, Bryant Johnson, No TE, and Warrick Dunn. Unfortunately, one of these two teams does have to win. I like Andre Johnson to make some noise, and Witten to provide a big bonus with Ciske not starting a TE.
Pick: Clayton Bigsby

#1 Plack Beople (3-0) vs. #5 Flight of the Khannchords (2-1)
This should be a good one, with both teams essentially having their full squads going (Calvin and Roy Williams on bye, more or less a wash). Unfortunately, that doesn’t necessarily bode well for yours truly, with Cutler and Marshall drawing a horrendous Chiefs defense. If the fireworks don’t fly at Arrowhead, though, I like India’s chances, with good matchups across the board. Ryan Grant at Tampa could prove to be the difference.
Pick: Plack Beople