HIGH FIVES

Top 5 NFL Teams

 

5) Pittsburgh Steelers

            POLAMALU!

4) Washington Redskins

            ZORN!

3) Tennessee Titans

            FINNEGAN!

2) Dallas Cowboys

            NEWMAN!

1) New York Giants

            BOSS!

Top 5 (If Season Ended Today) MVP Candidates

 

5) Jay Cutler, Denver Broncos

            There are more deserving candidates for this spot, but my love of Cutler has compelled me to keep him here for one last time.

4) Reggie Bush, New Orleans Saints

            The Saints are a kicker away from being 4-1, Semi-Automatica Gramatica should be released by weeks end.  Reggie’s done it all for the Saints, tied for the NFL lead in scoring with 6 TDs: one on the ground, two receiving and three punt returns*.  He is still having trouble as a RB (3.3 ypc), but he leads the league in receptions and is finally doing what most thought he would.  Bush may be able to move up this list if he stops fumbling every other play.

Good start, but expect Reggie to fumble away the condom later

*I think that any future fantasy football leagues we participate in should count punt/kick return TDs as TDs for the person returning them as well.  This would value players like Bush, Devin Hester, DeSean Jackson slightly higher than they are now, which is only fair, because as NFL players their actual value to their team is higher because of their unique ability to help through special teams.  Reggie Bush got 6 points for his performance on Monday, I dare say that what he did Monday was worth more than 6 points.

3) Michael Turner, Atlanta Falcons

            NFL’s leading rusher.

2) Tony Romo, Dallas Cowboys

            His mediocre performance on Sunday still included 3 touchdown passes.

1) Eli Manning, New York Giants

            When in doubt trying to pick an MVP, always look to the quarterback of the best team.  Side note: ESPN’s back to their old tricks.  Their website’s main story was simply “Eli > Peyton”.  Yes, Eli is playing better than Peyton through four games, but as I said in the last High Fives edition…don’t expect it to continue.  Eli’s is on his way to becoming a great QB, Peyton is on his way to becoming the best ever.

 

Top 5 Fantasy Performers This Week

 

5) Romo vs. Cardinals

            Old man Favre was able to throw 6 TDs, let’s see what ole Romeo can do.

4) Purple Jesus vs. Lions

            Lions defense.

3) Andre Johnson vs. Dolphins

            This guy’s sweet.

2) Eli vs. Browns

            Plax is back.

1) Chicago Bears D vs. Falcons

            Bears will not let Michael Turner run anywhere in this game, which means Matt Ryan’s gonna have to throw it.  Matt Ryan throws mean turnovers, and turnovers always mean Bears defensive TDs.

 

Top 5 Most Underused NFL Players

5) Antonio Cromartie, San Diego Chargers

            I couldn’t think of a good one here, but I’m sure he could be used as a wide receiver on occasion.  He’s gotta be better than guys like “C. Davis” and “L. Naanee” listed on the Chargers depth chart.

4) David Thomas, New England Patriots

            Still sees a fair amount of playing time, but he’s clearly the #2 TE behind Ben Watson.  This reminds me of the Jason Witten-Anthony Fasano situation in Dallas a couple years ago.  We’ve seen Fasano emerge in Miami, Thomas could do the same given the chance.

3) Brady Quinn, Cleveland Browns

            Sitting the kid is acceptable if he’s playing behind someone good (ex: Aaron-Favre), but why is Brady Quinn sitting behind Derek Anderson?  I know you threw a lot of money at DA, but this is the NFL, I’m sure less than 1% of that money is guaranteed.  DA’s playing like shit despite good surrounding talent, give BQ a shot because the kid can play.

Sure, Jesus can walk on water, but can he throw a football while nakedly emerging through it? 

2) Vernon Davis, San Francisco 49ers

            When you pick a freaky tight end with the sixth overall pick in the draft, you should probably throw him the ball.  In 27 games as a pro, Vernon has caught more than 5 balls in a game just 3 times, having been held to 60 yards or less in 20 of them.  The arrival of Mike Martz has been the beginning of the end for Vernon, catching just 5 passes for 87 yards over 4 games, including a zero catch effort last week.

Vernon showing off the muscles he's built by staying in to block on every play

1) Laurence Maroney, New England Patriots

            Just imagine the conversations that took place in the Patriots war room during the 2006 draft.  You have the Pats personnel men telling Belichick that spending their first round pick on a talented, workhorse running back is a great move for the franchise.  They go on and on about the fact that his 5’11 225 pound frame can withstand carry after carry in the NFL.  While all this is happening, Belichick is nodding along thinking to himself, “I’ll draft a workhorse RB…and never give him the ball, I’m a genius!”  In 30 career games Maroney has carried the ball over 20 times just once, ONCE!  No excuse for this; he’s not a “change of pace” runner who can’t handle the load and there aren’t any other Pats good enough to share carries with Maroney (they do anyway).  If they’re not gonna use him, Ted Thompson should send over a 2^nd round pick for him and we can finally end Ryan Grant’s reign of terror.

Brady: "Nice run kid.  Now grab some pine, we don't want you showing up the great Kevin Faulk"