That's right, I do what I want!!
HOW THEY'LL FINISH
1. Cleveland Cavaliers
I strongly believe LeBron and company are 'on a mission from god' to be this years number one team in a lack luster Eastern Conference. Expect a 15/15 season from Ben Wallace (kidding..or am I????) and for Crazy Wally to shoot 85% from three-point land. Bottom line: King James will rape anyone and anything that comes between him and the throne of NBA greatness, including Dikembe Mutumbo
Ladies and Gents: The New Horrace Grant
2. Boston Celtics
Anything was indeed possible in '08 for Kevin Garrnett and company. So what will the future hold in '09? Probably disappointment. The loss of James Posey is really gonna hurt this teams chances of repeating...seriously. The addition of Ryan Argall's favorite crack head, Darius Miles could help, but he needs to stay away from the drug lords he surrounds himself with, mainly Justin Kotney, Andy Davis and Erick Sherjoholm (however you spell that fucks name).
"Yo dawg, dat guy over there has got dat real 'sticky icky' shit. I think his name is Dan Patrick or something."
3. Chicago Bulls
Ok, so this may be a bit high for a team coming off a huge letdown of a year, but I am a believer fellas!!!! The Eastern Conference is garbage and we still have our core players intact. Not to mention we have gotten rid of all the shitty ones (Wallace, Joe Smith, Duhon, Othela 'big cat' Harrington) and added the number one player in this years Draft, D. Rose. The future is bright Chicago! If you need anymore evidence as to why this could be the year, two words: Michael Ruffin. He's baaaaaaaaaack!!
Fear me.
4. Detroit Basketball
Who cares? They will have a good regular season and fizzle out in the playoffs like they always do. Yawn...Fart....Yawn..
5. Orlando Magic
Dwight Howard. Enough said. Superman alone will mold the Magic into contenders. The Defining question for the Magic will be if J.J. Reddick can becomes the next white superstar the NBA so desperately needs. There is a better chance of Silly Btevens learning how to read.
JJ has had a case of 'blue balls' for awhile now
6. Toronto Raptors
The Bosh-O'Neal combo could be something special, but I'm still not too excited about it. O'Neal is always injured and/or crying about something, so hopefully Bosh can turn to the alter ego he displayed on youtube last year and Teebag Jermaine right in the gonads.
7. Philadephia 76ers
Elton Brand is a huge cunt for what he did to the LA Clippers. If he would have just resigned with LA--like he promised-- they actually could have done something in the West. Karma is a bitch Sir Elton. I fully expect him to die in a plane crash right after the Sixers make the playoffs.
8. Miami Heat
D. Wade and Beastley could really evolve into something special in Miami; although I don't see it happening this year. I know some people (Anshu) believe Beasley is gonna score 50 a game and snatch another 30 boards a game, but lets not get our weiners in knots just yet. Let the kid prove himself on the court first, while also going more than fifty days without getting in trouble with the law and/or former girlfriends. (Update: Beasley appears to of been the brains behind the weed smuggling operation that landed KU teammates Mario Chalmers and Darrell Arthur behind NBA bars)
Eastern Conference finals: #1 Cleveland Cavaliers over #2 Boston Celtics in 7
AWARD TIME
MVP: LeBron James
His numbers are gonna be ridiculous this year and his team will also have the best record. If anyone can put together a triple-double season, it would be King James.
ROY: D Rose
Just like his uniform number, Rose will be the number one rookie at the end of the year. Words of advise to Rose: stay away from the gummy bears and cinnamon buns; we don't want another Khalid El-Amin situation on our sugary hands.
#43: "You are one obese mother fucker Khalid"
6th Man: Zigi Hrbacek, C Huskies (from the 6th Man movie) ZIGI FOR THREE!!!!
A&Z All the Way
Biggest Bust: Eric Gordon, LA Clippers.
I think Ciske has a prettier jumper than EG. No Jumper, No Love.
(Note: I realize Gordon is in the Western Conference, thus he is my Western bust....Eastern Bust will be part of the Western post, sorrrrry)
Future Star: J.R. Gidden, Boston Celtics.
We all have fucked up at some point in our lives. It just so happens that J.J.'s fuck up is a little more unique than most. He was stabbed in the leg after one of his 'boos' saw him mackin' it on another 'boo' at a local bar in Lawrence, Kansas. This development made JJ's first 'boo' go all Michael Myers on his ass. She tore his leg to shreds with a butcher knife that she just so happened to be keeping in her fake gucci bag. JJ's incident became well publicized and his worst fears were realized. See, JJ had multiple 'boos' throughout his stay at KU and somehow he was able to play them along until the exposure of incident was picked up by the ten other girls he was playing. Unfortunately for JJ these bitches turned out to be blood thirsty cunts who tried to kill him on numerous occasions. He became so frightened of them that he transferred to a place where he could be free of all threats, New Mexico. Before the injury Giddens was on track to be a lottery pick. New Mexico didn't help his basketball stock though, it plummeted until the last pick of the first round. Hopefully being on a championship team in Boston and learning behind some of the greats of the game will bring back the magic and talent he displayed at KU.
If JJ would have stayed at KU, this could have been the outcome. Yikes!
Western Conference predictions to come later in the week, along with my coveted finals pick!!
4 comments:
Three cheers for Murnane, a glorious return to the blogosphere.
Great entrance, now the challenge is keeping the bar high.
Khalid El-Amin reference...GOLDEN
Those were some quality Oak Grove names you dropped in there. I can only hope that when they google search their names they make their way to the blog, find out that you besmirched their names, and hunt you down.
J.R. Giddens deserves his shot in the NBA, and JJ OneWay deserves a well placed Martin Gramatica kick to the junk, but he would probably miss.
Very well done, I hate Beasley...
Most Improved: JJ Redick
You fucks are going to eat your words when he goes for 7 3's a game this season. They picked up his option...they picked up his option!!!!!! I hope to see an Adam Morrison reference in the West, Murndawg, now that he's a fellow diabetic with SuperCut (patenting that nickname).
Apparently these colors DO bleed!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!
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