Defensive Player of the Year? “It’s gonna be me”.
An exciting rookie class (plus Oden), star power that seems reinvigorated after the Olympics, wide-open race for the title, number of impact trades and signings, and the return of Adam Morrison make for an NBA season that hopefully won’t suck when football ends.
Back to the gridiron- it was Blowout Week for fantasy football, with 4 of the 5 games being decided by 47 points or more. Shakeups abound in this edition of the Power Rankings, featuring a new top four.
1. Team lawniczak (5-0; Last Week: 2) - No excuses this time der bud…there’s just no question that Lawny gets the top spot this week. By taking the lead in total points and being the only unblemished team, the floor is yours - to masturbate all over.
2. Clayton Bigsby (4-1; 4) - Last week’s Murnane Massacre served to flip an emphatic middle finger in the face of the league, as Diggs has not lost since dropping a Week 1 showdown with his top-ranked roommate. Also, Eli is good, but will everyone calm down about him being better than Peyton? (I’m talking to you, TMQ) Just as the media overly-castrated the younger/lesser Manning last year after one forgettable game against the Vikings, they are completely overhyping him and the 4-0 Giants this year. For a one-year stretch, I’m still taking Peyton over any QB in the league, including a healthy Brady, Brees, or Romo. I’m not even buying Eli as a top five fantasy QB this year. But I digress…Nate, solid work thus far.
3. Plack Beople (4-1; 1) - Lost in the aftermath of ESPN’s MNF Reggie Bush cock-gargling was the fact that he ended with just 12 carries for 29 yards, 0 touchdowns, and 2 fumbles (one lost) in that game. I’ll give Argtits the benefit of the doubt with one horrific week, but he can’t afford another (64 and 75 the last two weeks) with Murnane on deck. Also, if we go another week without an Argall article, I’m docking him a spot in next week’s Power Rankings from where I would have had him originally. STEP UP RYNO.
4. Denver’s Helicopter Men (3-2; 3) - A week after hanging 110, El Gato barely scratched half that total in Week 5. After that 110-point outburst: “If LJ’s showing against his Broncos wasn’t a fluke [2 weeks ago], it’s tough to argue against this team being the best with all starters going.” Seven carries for 2 yards for Grandmama is not going to cut it- how he comes back after the Bye could spell Murn’s fate.
5. Flight of the Khannchords (3-2; 5) - Thanks to Ryan Longwell’s Monday Night “heroics,” a certain Power Ranker had a hilarious comeback victory. How bad do you think the Lions are? The answer to that- and Calvin Johnson’s consequent performance- might hold the key to India’s season.
6. Teenage Mutant Ninja Tauschers (2-3; 6) - Mike Pagel Wide Receiver Name Game: Which player would you rather have? A (274 yards, 2 touchdowns, 38 fantasy points) or B (275 yards, 4 touchdowns, 50 fantasy points)?
You boys want some popsicles?
That’s right! The butt of many an hilarious old man joke, Isaac Bruce (Player B), has had a better fantasy season than one Randy Moss (Player A)- 153 yards in Week 2, then 4 touchdowns in the next 3 weeks. Two straight wins has put MLP right back in the thick of the playoff picture.
7. Cromartie McFly (2-3; 9) - After looking back over IV’s performance, I still have absolutely no clue what to think of this team. Hightower has not run for over 37 yards in a single game- yet he has 5 touchdowns in five games. Felix’s 5 game log: 62 yards (td), 10 yards (0 td), 76 yards (td), 0 yards, 96 yards (td). He should be 3-2 (lost by 1 to Lawny). 116 points without Braylon or Colston? He’ll have to give it a go again without the two stud WRs this week.
8. Tivo Tebow (1-4; 7) - A narrow loss last week at the foot of Longweezy leaves G Baby at an undeserved 1-4. Quietly, CPo is having another great season, ranking third in fantasy points amongst running backs to date. Still, Boldin’s headshot may be enough to derail the Anderson comeback machine, with Garrett pulling a Ciske and starting Rudi Johnson in his wake.
Rudi putting a smile on a few of the kids Travis Henry left behind
9. Team ciske (1-4; 8) - See Benny? This is what happens when you start those guys: 52 points. This week, Ciske looks to take the rage of four consecutive losses and countless insults out on me. I can only hope Miles Austin draws another start. Or Ocho Cinco.
Keep starting me, and my 152 yards and 1 TD in 5 games!
10. Team Parkhill (0-5; 10) - Starting a player on Bye…for shame.
Is the sixth time the charm? Parkhill takes aim at the W column vs. an injury-riddled Luebbers squad.
Chase Daniel Tasty Pick of the Week: #10 Team Parkhill over #7 Cromartie McFly
1 comment:
In a rare reversal of positions, I will actually defend the cock-gargling of ole Reg. His 29 yards rushing were certainly not impressive (neither were his fumbles, although the one he lost should have been called back due to a facemask that Greenway was later fined for), but don't forget about his 64 receiving yards. And under an Opagel administration Reggie's 6 point performance would have been nearly 20 due to his game/life changing punt returns.
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