Playoff Preview

SPOILER ALERT: The following article will detail the complete results of the 2008/2009 NFL Playoffs.  If you have planned to watch these ‘offs in real time I suggest you skip this installment.

The NFC Field

NFC East

            Best division in football, obviously.  How good are the Giants if they’re mowing down some of football’s best?  Looks like the Eagles will fold under the weight of this division, while the Redskins will emerge bloody, unable to fit into the playoff picture.  Now let’s talk Cowboys, aka the dysfunctional NFC Pro Bowl roster.  The ‘boys will be reunited under the leadership of quarterback-elect Tony Romo and charge into the playoffs. 

After getting shunned from Philadelphia, McNabb decides to become ?uestlove's understudy.

WINNER: NEW YORK GIANTS

WILD CARD: DALLAS COWBOYS

NFC North

            Detroit Lions

            This division boils down to the oldest rivals in the NFL, Packers vs. Bears.  A quick look at the schedules will tell you the Vikings will not be there in the end, but expect Green Bay and Chicago to go down to the wire.  Packers are a mystery and the Bears suck at defense, offense and special teams.  Gotta go with them Packers.

This pedophile looks an awful lot like Brad Childress   

WINNER: GREEN BAY PACKERS

NFC West

            San Francisco 49ers

            Seattle Seahawks

            St. Louis Rams

            No comment.

            WINNER: ARIZONA CARDINALS

NFC South

            Saints are in last place and struggling and I’m still not quite buying what the Falcons are selling.  Carolina has built a lead in the division and they'll keep it.  Tampa is the team that everyone forgets when trying to recite the playoff teams from the previous year.

            WINNER: CAROLINA PANTHERS

            WILD CARD: TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS

Wild Card Weekend

BYES: #1 NEW YORK GIANTS and #2 CAROLINA PANTHERS

#3 ARIZONA CARDINALS vs. #6 TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS

            Jeff Garcia and Warrick Dunn just can’t match the points the Cards will put on the board.  The Cardinals’ playoff win propels the Phoenix area to a high that it hasn’t seen since Pat Tillman returned from Afghanistan after successfully bringing Osama bin Laden to justice.

You did it, Pat!

#4 GREEN BAY PACKERS vs. #5 DALLAS COWBOYS

            The Packers cannot beat the Cowboys.  It’s been that way for decades, irrelevant of location, situation or players.  Rodgers at Lambeau: loss.  Hasselbeck in the preseason: loss.  Favre at Texas Stadium: loss.  Majkowski in cold weather: loss.  Nall in a dome: loss.  Brohm in the Super Bowl: loss.  Pederson on the Xbox: loss.  It’s just not happening.               

ROUND TWO

#1 NEW YORK GIANTS vs. #5 DALLAS COWBOYS

            O SNAP, payback muthafucka.  This exact scenario played out last year, with teams reversed.  Same result this time as the lower seed (this time Dallas) pulls off the stunner. 

Dual-threat Jacobs, destroying DBs and our environment.  What an asshole.

#2 CAROLINA PANTHERS vs. #3 ARIZONA CARDINALS

            When the Cardinals travel east of the Mississippi River they lose.

NFC CHAMPIONSHIP

#2 CAROLINA PANTHERS vs. #5 DALLAS COWBOYS

            The Cowboys continue their march to the Super Bowl with an absolute beat down of the hapless Delhomme-led Panthers.  Given the current state of the economy, the Cowboys decide not to spend money on a glitzy Tampa hotel, and instead stay with southwest Florida resident and team friend Marg Pagel.  

Marg (center) enjoying the scenery with her friends Adam and DeMarcus

(First one to make an inappropriate joke loses...their life)

AFC coming soon.